Via Bora comes some of the week's most important journalism: video of a Chicago Tribune reporter trying to put lipstick on a pig. He gets it much too easy with the first one; the squealing and running around when he tries to go for the second one is more familiar to me (after the jump).
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A Chicago Tribune reporter travels to an Illinois farm to literally try to put lipstick on a pig:
#2 reminded me of a small boy at bath time. Did they check gender when they selected the two?
http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2008/09/lipstick-on-pig.html
Is this what makes you "...a veritable expert on tawdry cosmetic procedures gone horribly awry..."?
Yes, but isn't your experience more likely to be with a swab for poking into one orifice or another and not a lipstick? Looking at it from the pig's perspective, I know which I'd prefer.