Yeah, it's frosh orientation here at York U starting today so I thought I'd celebrate that with links to a bunch of posts from my all-time favourite source of higher education satire, The Cronk of Higher Ed!
International Helium Shortage Leads to Massive Orientation Layoffs
“After we realized how much time our orientation leaders spent blowing up and delivering balloons, we realized we’d have to cut 40 percent of our staff,” said Lisa Brandberg, assistant director of transition programs at Cal State Yorba-Linda. “We tried to create alternate assignments, like sidewalk chalking or poster papering, but we found those jobs stupid or unsustainable.”
Student Attends 27 Orientations, Enrolls at 3 Universities
“I’ve paid deposits at my top three choices to give myself a more appropriate amount of time to make such an important decision,” said Sungard. “MIT has the best cafeteria food, Wellesley has a rare chapter of the Not Quite Gay But Super Ally Club and Ole Miss has an incredible football team.”
University Inaugurates Pre-Orientation Orientation
His colleague Mike Frunze concurred. “Once we get rid of all that antiquated subject matter diddly-poo and all those itty-bitty personalities,” he said, “we’ll have success, achievement, collaboration and innovation, with plenty of money left over.” He took a swig of lemonade. “Ah, what a world that will be.”