My better half and I have been catching up on movies (thanks to Netflix and our DVD player). Last week we watched 28 Days Later .... Last night we watched 28 Weeks Later. It is my better half's view that the rage virus has burned itself out, so to speak, and that there won't be another movie in the franchise.
But the drive to make sequels of sequels in inexorable, and I believe a recent news item from the UK holds the key to the next movie in the franchise.
First, the news, as reported in The Mail:
Abandoned baby hedgehogs are too weak to hibernate
by DAVID DERBYSHIRE
... The RSPCA says its rescue centres are looking after hundreds of abandoned hedgehogs born during the exceptionally mild autumn and who are too small or weak to hibernate.
The odd weather has also led to a shortage of their favourite grubs, beetles, slugs and caterpillars.
RSPCA wildlife scientist Adam Grogan said: "They need to gain weight before they can hibernate."
(More information on the hedgehog crisis here.)
The deal seems to be that unseasonably warm weather led to later-in-the-season-than-usual mating, which led to larger litters, which meant there weren't enough tasty grubs, beetles, slugs and caterpillars to go around and feed all the hedgehogs. With too little food, the hedgehogs can't put on enough weight to sustain them through their hibernation.
So, here's the movie pitch.
My working title is "28 litters later", but we can change that.
The UK is working (again) to repopulate after the last rage virus outbreak. Unusually warm weather is helping to attract people back, and bringing them out to their back gardens to put down tentative roots.
But the warmer weather has created a hedgehog crisis (as described above), and things take a tragic turn when the rage virus jumps species to infect the hedgehogs.
Think of it: hoards of skinny, sleep-deprived, cranky hedgehogs, infected with rage virus, and covered with spines. The rest practically writes itself.
Interested producers can contact me by email.
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May I suggest "the revenge of Mrs Tiggywinkle"?
I have to say 28 weeks later was very disappointing. The first one was actually pretty damn good, especially the scenes when he first woke up. Reminded me of the better John Wyndham novels!
Shaun of the Dead is still the best movie in the genre though.
Ugh, I hated that movie!
Maybe we need a nice, traditional horror flick where mother figures aren't murdered with disproportionately long, loving shots of eye-poking and face smashing fury?
Maybe a more Shaun of the Dead approach would be better. The hedgehogs would be so scraggly and out of sorts that we wouldn't be able to tell the infected ones apart. That sounds reasonable. And less misogynistic. Plus I bet they'd look really silly plodding around with their quills all disheveled.
Hedgehogs are much too cute to suffer in anything but arthouse movies. A Google Image search for baby hedgehog should be enough to establish this as truth.