I'm not Jewish, but nonetheless found this one pretty funny (via one of the mailing lists to which I subscribe):
An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so, you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "We're all set," he says. "They're coming for
Passover and paying their own airfares."
(NOTE: I think I've heard a variation of this one using Christmas as the holiday.)
Ha, good one :)
That's so cruel and funny. :)
You know, my parents tried that this year, and they're Catholic. It works remarkably well.
One rabbi was complaining to another rabbi about all the mice that had infested his temple. "They are everywhere! I've tried setting moustraps, and I even called in a bunch pest-control professionals. But nothing worked. I have even more mice than ever!"
The other rabbi replied, "I had the same problem -- mice everywhere. Moustraps, professional exterminators didn't work for me either. But I finally found a way to get rid of those mice for good. I gathered them together, Bar Mitzvah'd them all, and never saw them in the temple again!
Short version of the Passover Seder (can also be used at Purim):
They tried to kill us.