Better than Talk Like a Pirate Day

I have a confession to make.

I've never really understood the whole pirate schtick that PZ and some other bloggers find so amusing and that the Flying Spaghetti Monster has included as an integral part of the great religion of Pastafarianism. I suppose that makes me an apostate or something like that, but I guess I just never really "got it." And I really never got Talk Like A Pirate Day, which, it just so happens, was yesterday. I realize that I probably risk being excommunicated from the ScienceBlogs collective by admitting that, but there it is.

Oh, long ago, I tried to curry favor and fit in with the popular bloggers by occasionally posting pirate stuff even though I didn't really quite buy into the whole deal, but now I no longer feel the need. Maybe it's blogging self-confidence now that I've been around a while and established a stable readership. Maybe it's just because I just don't care anymore. Maybe it's because pirates aren't exactly nice guys and celebrating them as if being a pirate is a desirable thing just seems quite bizarre to me.

Or perhaps it's because I've now found a silly day that I can really get behind, far more so than Talk Like A Pirate Day.


Yes, I'm talking about Talk Like Jack Bauer Day.

Oh, I could have gotten behind International Talk Like George Bush Day, but then I thought about it. I detest the man so much that the humor and amusement would wear thin round about 10 AM at the latest. If you're a 24 fan, as I am, though, you could easily use Jack Bauerisms all through the day. Just think of the fun. Every time anyone asked me to justify a decision, I could bark, "I haven't got time to explain."

Just like Jack Bauer.

If they persist, I could then say, "You have got to trust me on this!"

Just like Jack Bauer.

I could go around telling my secretary, "I need that information now!"

Just like Jack Bauer.

And if I don't get my way, I can bark, "Damn it!" while shaking my head to the side, then add, "I can't let that happen."

Just like Jack Bauer.

See the possibilities for fun? True, it's not the 24 Drinking Game, but because 24 is on a week night I couldn't play that anyway unless I took the next day off.

The only question is, what day should be Talk Like Jack Bauer Day? My vote is for the date of the season premiere every year.

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So, Pirates have jumped the shark?

Everyone loves the Muppets -- how about: "Talk Like Beaker Day"? He is associated with science, and you don't have to memorize any lines - just one word.

I'd rather talk like Jack Bauer's father.

"Always with the negative waves, Moriarity, always with the negative waves!"

yeah, me too...I don't groove to the whole pirate thing. As for talk-like-a-pirate day, it occured to me that talking like a real pirate these days would actually mean speaking some dialect of Indonesian.
And as my wife pointed out, real pirates are and were thieving, murderous criminals..."what's next," she sez, "stand like a carthief day?"
Which I thought was pretty funny.

The whole Pirate craze on the internet started with the whole facetious war over whether they or Ninjas were cooler. That was around the time that "The Best Page in the Universe" "Real Ultimate Power" were getting popular. Maddox claimed to be a Pirate. I think it's funny when he does it, but it's imitated to the point that it's just not original anymore.

Really, I can explain the whole pirate thing with a simple analogy. Pirates have been rehabilitated into the Han Solos of the Sea. With Star Wars, you could never really truly imagine yourself being Luke (sadly, we're not force attuned, and most of us would just lose a limb if given a lightsaber) but it's not THAT hard to imagine being Han. Similarly, this is the same effect applied to real, historical figures. Most of us can't really lay any claim to royal ancestry or pretentions of it, but who can't get behind feeling like the Rogue-with-a-heart-of-Gold? It's a pretty universal theme, and if you're looking for a historical brigand to fill the role, pirates are right at the top of the list. It's the same thing with ninjas, who were pretty much assassins for hire, but have also been rehabilitated after the fact.

We could mix Talk Like Jack Bauer with Talk Like a Pirate Day....

"Shiver me timbers, we be runneth out of time"

To be honest, the main reason I haven't really looked at 24 is the nutcases. Making decisions about actual policy based on something you saw on 24 is like performing surgery the way you saw it on House, but some people don't seem to get that point.

It bothers me moderately that House is always right eventually. (Right in the context of the show, that is. The technical inaccuracies are a whole other source of annoyance, but I'm too ignorant of medicine to spot most of them.) But at least he's trying to base his thoughts on evidence, and often goes through a couple of hypotheses before he comes up with the right answer.

It would bother me greatly for Bauer to be always right immediately, and I strongly suspect that's exactly what happens on the show. It's probably all about Bauer Just Knowing the Right Thing to Do and being obstructed by everyone else. (Yeah, I have low expectations for the quality of writing on TV shows.)

Then, too, few people are in a position to attempt surgery, and never without enough training to dislodge the stupid ideas they picked up on TV. Far too many people seem to be taking their 24-based fantasies into the voting booth. Disinformation on issues of public concern is harmful to a democracy.


The ninja (or shinobi) are more myth than fact. The particular black garb(s) given to them in fiction and animation was a figment of the imagination. While ninjutsu (the art of stealth) is real, there were/are few real practioners.

I suppose to a degree pirates have been given the same kind of fictional aura to them. Either way, the legends are largely what has been honored in popular cultures moreso than the facts.

The whole "I totally know about teh real ninjas, you guysh!" claim is completely bogus. Anyone who makes this claim needs to just calm down a second. "No, Keanu, you don't know ninjitsu."

I've just recently started watching 24, and I want Kim to just go away forever and ever. So very very stupid. I know it makes good drama for her to make the absolute worst decisions possible, but please. I'm asking you, maker her go away.

Now you've got me thinking there needs to be a Talk Like a Browncoat Day (for all the rabid Firefly fans out there).

Talk like Jack Bauer Day should be celebrated in a one hour period each day over 24 concecutive days.

Seriously though, don't you enjoy drinking rum and hiting on wenches, like the classic cowboys of the sea?

Speaking of House, yeah the last one was particularly bad technically; there were like 10 things wrong with the opener; a elderly cancer researcher doing 'experiments' on his rats in his lab, late at night, little safety equipment, no sterility...argh...And the genome tests that they whip out in a day...etc. But it's hollywood, and i enjoy the fact that alot of what they talk about is somewhat accurate; even though the tests are usually way off.

I went to a pirate-themed party once. As luck would have it, they turned out to be some christian organization at the university. The girl I was with thought it would be rude to leave, so we stayed at the party for an uncomfortably long time, which included a jesus song sing-along. In the attic. With our hooks and eye patches.

While ninjutsu (the art of stealth) is real, there were/are few real practioners.

If the art of stealth is real, then how do you know how many practioners there are?

There may be millions out there being really stealthy.

I am really Chloe.

What gets me is how he's always barking "upload the DOD blah blah blah to my PDA" -- and it works...instantly...and remotely. I can't get my Palm Pilot to sync to my iMac without three or four tries. While it's sitting on my desk USB'd to my computer.

24 is a total cartoon. A cartoon I can't live without.

Most horrifyingly, however, I heard from a Hollywood writer friend that somebody from 24 was called in by the government to inform them about terrorism. Inform the government about it, that is.

Advisory: It's fiction, people.

You don't like pirates. But, you're a fan of 24.

24. We ARE talking about the show which, these days especially, seems to come down to "we know who's involved in the bad stuff, so we will beat him up until he tells us the details", and they not only always have the right guy, but they always acquire the accurate, necessary information via their "rough interrogation" methods? The torture-is-ok-as-long-as-the-good-guys-do-it 24?


No cookie for you.

By luna_the_cat (not verified) on 21 Sep 2006 #permalink

Kim wasn't known as Stupid Kim for nuthin', ya know.

Pirates are way cooler than ninjas, because pirates are funny. Ninjas are navel-starers. Navel staring is not funny.

Norrington: You're the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Sparrow: Ah, but you *have* heard of me.

Comedy gold, I tell ya.

I could get behind Talk Like A Brownshirt Day, except I can't swear in Mandarin.

What about talk like an artificial intelligence from British science fiction day? Zen, Slave, Gambit, ORAC, K-9... are those great options?

"Affirmative, Maaaa-ster."

By Samantha Vimes (not verified) on 21 Sep 2006 #permalink

Bey: "talk like a brownshirt day" -- you have my vote!

As for lack of ability to swear in Mandarin, that can be fixed.

By luna_the_cat (not verified) on 21 Sep 2006 #permalink

How about just: "Don't say something stupid day." Maybe it would start a trend.

The Dread Pirate Rob

I'm going to have to put my penny jar in here. (Way more than two cent's worth)
1) Talk like a pirate day also gets old around ten, if I actually do it. I never do.
2) Ninjas have one thing up on pirates: What's the last zombie ninja you've heard of? I'll tell you: You haven't. There are no zombie ninjas. I rest my case on the superiority of not zombie over zombie.
3) Talk like a Browncoat day, I would totally Get behind. The fact that the Serenity RPG book has a section in the back on swearing in broken Mandarin makes it that much easier.
4) I'm torn about 24. It's intense, but at the same time, it's almost or completely over the top, and fanatics (of all stripes) fill me with a hatred whose depths I'd rather not attempt to fathom.

Finally, since I'm a lurker: Orac, I love your blog. Informative and approachable. Keep up the good work.

But....Pirates get all the booty. That's reason enough.