The monster says, "Arbeit macht frei"

i-662fcdc36fa103d3c4b18ee98f72f16a-HitlerZombie-756531.jpgNovember 4, 2008
11:15 PM EST

A mousy little man sat, shaking his head in his hands, limned against the wall by the flickering blue glow of a flat screen TV. On the television, a huge crowd swelled in Grant Park in Chicago. The excitement was palpable, with a constant dull roar of the crowd that swelled periodically as the crowd thought that they saw the man whom they'd come to see.

The mousy man muttered, "How could this have happened?" He slumped back into his chair. "How?"

On the television, the object of his hatred strode upon the stage in front of the adoring crowd and began to speak. His voice was strong and confident, triumphant even. It mocked the mousy man.

"Socialists!" he muttered. "The country has gone socialist!" He lifted a bottle to his lips and drank deeply. The single malt scotch burne the back of his throat pleasantly. As the smell of the alcohol tickled his nasal passages, he twitched his nose. There seemed to be another smell. A most unpleasant one.

The mousy man sniffed the bottle. No, that wasn't the source. Whatever it was, it was coming from someplace else in the house, the odor of rotting meat, sickly sweet and becoming stronger.

"What the hell?" The mousy man said to no one in particular. He had put the trash out earlier.

"Change has has come to America." The TV intoned.

The mousy man dozed, muttering some more.

To awaken with a start.

"This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can." Said the voice on the TV.

"Yes...we...can...eat...BRAAAAAIIINNNNS!!!" came a gutteral, inhuman cry*.

The mousy man felt his pants grow warm and wet at the sight of a blackened and rotting human, fetid with the stench of decay and wearing the tattered remnants of military uniform, fo which all that remained intact was a large red and white circle with a black Swastika on the arm, advancing on him relentlessly and jaws with no lips clamping on his skull with irresistable strength.

The monster fed, although not so well and not particularly deeply.

*Translated from the German, of course.

********

November 10, 2008
Somewhere in bunker under a nondescript building in Manhattan

A key clicked into a depression on the top of a clear box. Instantly it whirred to life, multicolored lights blinking in seemingly random patterns. "What is it?" the box demanded testily in a high-pitched, seemingly nasal voice (never mind that it had no nasal passages). "I was in the middle of analyzing a particularly rich trove of limericks and jokes found in the the computer of the last person we interviewed. Some of them are what you humans term 'dirty,' a concept that I do not yet understand. All they seem to be about are normal human bodily functions. What is 'dirty' about normal biological functions, I am having a difficult time comprehending. It is so illogical. You had better have a good reason for interrupting me."

Mike said, "The monster is back. He's struck again."

"That cannot be. Besides, what do you know? You're a biologist and you're mad."

"Stop being such a putz, Orac," retorted Mike. "Just because the election's over doesn't mean the monster is gone."

"I did not think that the monster was gone. However, my analysis suggested that it would most likely go into hibernation for a while, having fed on the brains of so many politicians. After all, look at the level of specious comparisons to Hitler and the Nazis that occurred."

"Yes, but apparently the Hitler Zombie was not sated. After all, the brains upon which he fed were those of politicians historically ignorant enough and stupid enough to make such logic circuit assaultingly idiotic comparisons to Hitler and Nazis, thus invoking what we humans like to call, I believe, 'Godwin's law.' That's not much to live off of."

"Agreed," snapped Orac. "But what is your evidence? Who was the victim this time? It must have been someone with an exceedingly weak mind."

"It was," affirmed Mike. "It was a man named John Derbyshire."

"Who is this man?"

"He is a conservative pundit who writes for the National Review Online. He is known for writing hyperbolic screeds such as this, in which he likens Barack Obama to Karl Marx."

"Hardly the stuff of the ridiculously overblown Hitler or Nazi analogies that the monster's bite usually provokes."

"Yes," said Mike, "but it does shown that he's prone to brain-dead overblown flights of rhetoric and ridiculous analogies, which attract the monster like catnip does a cat."

"And did it in this case?" Orac asked, the pattern of blinking lights accelerating. "What is the evidence? What has Derbyshire done."

"Only this."

"'Arbeit Macht Frei'? 'Work sets you free'?" Orac's blinking stopped abruptly, as though someone had turned off the light switch.

There was only silence and darkness within the clear box. No life, no electricity, none of the usual sarcasm.

"Orac!" shouted Mike. "Orac!"

Leaping into action, he removed the key and then replaced it, pressing the activation button. A single red light flickered--then went dark. It then flickered again. And went dark again. Then two lights flickered, then three, then four, and then all of them. A high-pitched steadily rising electronic screech arose from within the box.

"Oh. My. God," muttered Orac, "and I'm a computer. I've always found God to be a rather odd mass delusion of humans that....Oooooh, that was some seriously concentrated stupid. I am normally not interested in the petty politics that so work up you humans, but I have rarely seen such a horrifically bad and overblown Nazi analogy. It is hard for me to comprehend what sort of thinking leads one like Derbyshire to compare Barack Obama's plan for beefing up public service like the Peace Corps to the forced labor extracted by force from so many prisoners by the Nazi regime. You know the significance of 'Arbeit Macht Frei,' do you not?"

"Of course," said Mike relieved but also annoyed that Orac had reverted to his usual cantankerous self. "It's the sign hung over the labor camp at Auschwitz."

"Not just Auschwitz, but Dachau, Sachsenhausen, Gross-Rosen, and the Theresienstadt Ghetto-Camp, as well. It was the warped view of the Nazi regime that somehow working people to death until they either starved, died of disease, or became so weak that they could no longer work, after which they had no more use to the Nazi regime, was setting them free. I suppose that's the case only if you consider death to be freedom. In the case of Auschwitz, for those not immediately gassed upon arrival, those worked to death ended up heading to the gas chamber. It is truly unbelievable that anyone could equate voluntary government public service programs with the forced labor and extermination of the Nazis. Truly, there must be very little of Derbyshire's brain left. I doubt the monster left two neurons connected by a spirochete."

"So what do we do?"

"Nothing, for now," said Orac. "There is so little left of Derbyshire's brain that he was only able to leave a cryptic one line reference to make his thermonuclearly stupid analogy. Usually, enough brain is left by the monster that at least the victim can still string a few sentences together to make his analogy. Not so here. I can only conclude that Derbyshire's autonomic functions will soon shut down; clearly there is not enough brainpower, even autonomic brainpower, to keep him breathing. I do not think we need to worry about him much longer." Orac paused. "Besides, he can't even make up his mind if Barack Obama is a Nazi or a Communist. Not to mention that there is always David Manning."

Mike thought about it a second, and then said,"You forgot all the YouTube nutcases, not to mention Ann Coulter, too and her bit about Obama's autobiography being a 'dime store Mein Kampf.'"

Orac shut down again, with a pathetically wavering electronic whine. Mike reached for the key again. Clearly this three year search had taken its toll on Orac's logic circuits.

More like this

I'm actually at work on a piece on this very subject. Curse you!

But I suppose it's pretty obvious how deep the similarity is getting between contemporary American right-wing propaganda and the work of Herr Goebbels & the even more seminal work of Herr Hitler.

My own speculation has centered less on the propaganda itself than on the fact that the republicans are increasingly serving two constituencies: corporations and poorly educated, incurious lower-class whites.

So how does one simultaneously serve these two constituencies? Fascism seems to be the easy answer.

Someday, Orac, you're going to figure out that drawing comparisons between this socialist bastard and historical tyrannies is not necessarily a case of godwinization.

Case in point: The socialist bastard's plan as originally posted on his website called for MANDATORY "public service" -- NOT voluntary. It was that language that Derbyshire was talking about. Anyone who knows the US Constitution (which I wouldn't expect from a doctor like you, but would expect from a lawyer and elected public officeholder) knows that the 13th Amendment outlaws involuntary servitude.

After numerous conservative bloggers publicized the "required" language, it was obliviated within hours, and replaced with language that says the service will be "optional" or "voluntary." However, since the socialist bastard was already notorious for this sort of behavior, several bloggers were quick to grab screenshots of the original language.

Don't worry about acknowledging your mistake or apologizing to Derbyshire, though. I'm long past expecting decency from obamatons.

By wolfwalker (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

Nice piece. Insolent, informative and entertaining. Certainly better than anything the review is likely to turn out.

Case in point: The socialist bastard's plan as originally posted on his website called for MANDATORY "public service" -- NOT voluntary. It was that language that Derbyshire was talking about. Anyone who knows the US Constitution (which I wouldn't expect from a doctor like you, but would expect from a lawyer and elected public officeholder) knows that the 13th Amendment outlaws involuntary servitude.

Wow, that's like half way to Hitler. Seriously, I can completely see how a mandatory service program is virtually identical to a massive genocide. Heck, the public service program might even be worse!

By Joseph C. (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

I have little doubt that the obamatrons who usually fill Orac's comment threads will intentionally misinterpret what I said, but just on the off chance there are a few sane people left out there:

I said "historical tyrannies." Although I wouldn't expect a liberal to know this, there are other examples of historical tyrannies besides the Third Reich. Stalinist Russia, fascist Italy, Napoleon's France are the best known examples, but there are many, many more. Mandatory "public service" programs are common to most of them. So is a cult of personality built around a dictator, and a bunch of mindless followers who believe he can do no wrong and ridicule every attempt to warn of his excesses.

Anf given the attitudes toward conservatives that are frequently expressed here and on other liberal blogs, I don't doubt for a minute that most of you would happily start exterminating conservatives if you thought you could get away with it.

By wolfwalker (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

Anf given the attitudes toward conservatives that are frequently expressed here and on other liberal blogs, I don't doubt for a minute that most of you would happily start exterminating conservatives if you thought you could get away with it.

This quote speaks for itself.

By Joseph C, (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

Wolfwalker, can you honestly define socialism? Can you tell us how it differs from capitalism, as envisioned by Adam Smith? Please, inform us.

So is a cult of personality built around a dictator, and a bunch of mindless followers who believe he can do no wrong and ridicule every attempt to warn of his excesses.

You are aware of the last eight years, right? The same language could be directed towards Bush, who actually has curtailed constitutional liberties? Or can he "do no wrong?" Just pointing out the obvious...

I don't doubt for a minute that most of you would happily start exterminating conservatives if you thought you could get away with it.

Godwin and Poe's laws... Impressive. Most impressive. But you are not zombie food yet.

By Robster, FCD (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

You ever try exterminating a conservative? It ain't pretty. The stench of self-satisfied indolence doesn't come out of the carpet for weeks.

Anyone who knows the US Constitution (which I wouldn't expect from a doctor like you, but would expect from a lawyer and elected public officeholder) knows that the 13th Amendment outlaws involuntary servitude.

(DCS pulls out his old draft card.)

Yup. You have so totally convinced me.

By D. C. Sessions (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

An example of the reasoning: People unfortunate enough to have lived in assorted non-democratic states drank coffee. People living in the States right now drink coffee. Therefore, the States is not democratic, and the people living there are unfortunate.

Wolfy, It wasn't liberals flocking around palin baying for blood. And the conservatives were pretty pleased with themselves (read dancing and whooping it up around their idol) in 2000 when shrub won. Hard to imagine worse than him.

As for peace corp increases, it beats mandatory military service that many countries impose and better for our very tarnished image. (again, ala shrub)

Why would we exterminate cons when it's far more satisfying to prove them wrong or foolish or both.

Also, who in blazes thinks Obama "can do no wrong"? I'm pretty sure if he, say, appointed Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. to head the EPA, science bloggers would be righteously pissed. And that would include Revere, the most politically liberal of us all.

Wolf;

The list of non-totalitarian, democratic countries which have or had national service (or "mandatory service programmes", if you prefer) is pretty extensive. Off the top of my head, France, Britain, Finland, Sweden, post-World War 2 Germany all had national service, and some still do (quite a few of my German and Finnish friends had to do it quite recently, either in the military or working in hospitals).

Interestingly, in Britain, it's the liberals who generally think it is a waste of time and a restriction on our freedoms, whilst it's the conservatives (with a small c) who bemoan the lack of national service and think that all the Problems With Young People would go away if they had to do a 2 year stint in the Army/ Navy / RAF/ community service. Not that the idea comes up much any more.

Original phrasing:

Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by developing a plan to require 50 hours of community service in middle school and high school and 100 hours of community service in college every year.

That sound you heard was my hair not being blown back.

Modified phrasing, no doubt changed so that the heinous original would disappear down AN ORWELLIAN MEMORY HOLE, BOOGA BOOGA!

Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by setting a goal that all middle school and high school students do 50 hours of community service a year and by developing a plan so that all college students who conduct 100 hours of community service receive a universal and fully refundable tax credit ensuring that the first $4,000 of their college education is completely free.

Well, either Herr Hussein Obama is trying to cover his dictatorial ass, or the intern in charge of maintaining the website got an e-mail with the rest of the details of the programme. . . .

Godspeed, tovarich!

Wolfwalker, mandatory public service isn't slavery anymore than having a draft is. Many countries have some variant of it. For example, in Israel people who have objections to working in the military can engage in public service (this out is mainly given to Orthodox females who object to females being in the military. There are serious problems with the Israeli system in general but they are besides the point).

This is unfortunate, John Derbyshire is one of the conservatives that I generally think makes some sense and is worth paying attention to. It saddens me to see his brain be devoured so badly by the Hitler Zombie.

I'm also not sure why the zombie needs to go for him. When it is getting plenty of food over at Conservapedia. See for example: http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Template%3AMainpageright&d…
and see also
http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Template%3AMainpageright&d… (I can't even tell what they are trying to say there. It looks almost like they are comparing their own religions belief in what a just deity would do to the Holocaust. If anyone can find a coherent interpretation of that statement I'd love to hear it).

And of course, there are the wonderful Conservapedia articles on evolution and Richard Dawkins (not linking directly so as to avoid pesky spam trap)

Off the top of my head, France, Britain, Finland, Sweden, post-World War 2 Germany all had national service, and some still do (quite a few of my German and Finnish friends had to do it quite recently, either in the military or working in hospitals).

Doesn't Israel have mandatory service in the IDF for both men and women? And when did Switzerland become a dictatorship?

$40/hr for taking care of old people, cleaning graffiti, or picking up trash? I would have killed for a job like that in college.

And how, pray tell, does one get in to a good university in the first place without at least a couple hundred hours of community service?

Besides, 50 hours over the course of four years is something like fifteen minutes a week. Most teenagers spend more time picking their noses.

Someday, Orac, you're going to figure out that drawing comparisons between this socialist bastard and historical tyrannies is not necessarily a case of godwinization.

Straw man. I never said it always necessarily was. My little parody says that in this case it was. And it is.

After numerous conservative bloggers publicized the "required" language, it was obliviated within hours, and replaced with language that says the service will be "optional" or "voluntary." However, since the socialist bastard was already notorious for this sort of behavior, several bloggers were quick to grab screenshots of the original language.

Don't worry about acknowledging your mistake or apologizing to Derbyshire, though. I'm long past expecting decency from obamatons.

So, let's see. I suppose you must think all those European countries (or countries like Israel) with mandatory national service requirements are on the way to becoming just like the Soviet Union under Stalin and Nazi Germany under Hitler, right? Yep, that national service thing is just like concentration camps and gas chambers, right? Derbyshire was clearly saying that Obama's program was the equivalent of forced labor in Gulags or Nazi concentration camps. I'm sorry, but that's more than Godwin-worthy. That's Hitler Zombie-worthy, and that's why the monster returned to this blog after so many months away. The Hitler Zombie doesn't show up for just run-of-the-mill comparisons to Hitler and the Nazis worthy of Godwinization. Oh, no. He only appears for the finest, most ridiculously overblown brain dead comparisons to Hitler and/or the Nazis.

That's one thing I always find interesting to compare between Canada and the US, the idea in the US that you have to build up a collection of community service and other activities to get into certain colleges, while Canadian universities tend to be interested only in your academic qualifications.

Anf given the attitudes toward conservatives that are frequently expressed here and on other liberal blogs,

Other "liberal blogs"? Funny, but this isn't a liberal blog.

After numerous conservative bloggers publicized the "required" language, it was obliviated within hours, and replaced with language that says the service will be "optional" or "voluntary." However, since the socialist bastard was already notorious for this sort of behavior, several bloggers were quick to grab screenshots of the original language.

Israel, with nearly universal conscription, is Hitler.

Just wanted to note that.

wolfwalker, cut the projection already. Just because you are so afraid that you'd kill your political opponents if given the opportunity doesn't mean everyone is.

And how, pray tell, does one get in to a good university in the first place without at least a couple hundred hours of community service?

The USA is a strange place...

By David MarjanoviÄ (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

@wolfwalker: what do you call the draft for military service?
Good points raised by other commenters re public service. In my state, community service is required for high school graduation.

Other "liberal blogs"? Funny, but this isn't a liberal blog.

You sorry collection of plastic and blinkenlichten, your cover [1] is blown. Anyone who blogs against Our Leader, or Her Alaskan Excellency [2] is manifestly a Leftist-Socialist Enemy of the People!

When the forces of Divine Truth and Summary Justice regroup, they will return to reconquer our Glorious FatherHomeland and your pathetic power cord will be pulled for good!

[1] No, not that cover! Ewwwww!
[2] And you've done both.

By Yagotta B. Kidding (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

Yea! axe-grinding tyme! in the bad old days we the people had a miltary draft and leaders of time used those conscripts for adventures in SE Asia. "Question authority!" became one of the slogans of the day of the young, mostly in college, men as they did not think said adventure was worth their life. After many years of protest and various upheavals USA proclaimed job done, quit the field and Henry the K took his Peace Prize and went home. Part of the history lesson was not lost on leadership types; faced with a service requirement folks can get loud when they do not want to die in some military adventure. Therefor leaders created the all volunteer armed forces. Fast forward to the Shrubship years: Rove plans for Iraqi invasions envisioned well before 9/11. 9/11 gives plan a cover, various lies spread thickly about and brave volunteers are sent off. Many folks said "oh my" and "this is wrong" but (including me) did nothing too much cause me and mine were not facing the actual danger of the stupid event. To prevent this from happening again we should require participation in the armed forces (seems like we are not going to just do away with them). This would cause almost everyone to be more active in the decisions about which war is to be fought. Also if we are to have folks dying for our country it would spread the opportunity to all classes instead of concentrating it in those who lacked the opportunity to do something else after graduating from highschool.

My kids had to do "involuntary servitude" to graduate. It was dreadful...having to spend hours away from their computer games and text messages doing (gasp!) community service. Why, they weren't even paid! In fact, they hated it so much, they continued on with it afterwards, out of masochistic desire.

Seriously, as a middle class parent, if 100 hours of community service/year would get my kids a $4000 college credit/year, I'm all for this plan. My kids learned more through their volunteer work then they ever learned from TV about poverty, the elderly, and the environment.

Dawn,
My kids also did a TON of service for hs including 4H camp counselors, eagle projects, and the like. They got a lot out of it as yours did including some experience they will only begin to appreciate as they get through college and into work. I just wish that $4k credit was available now.

Case in point: The socialist bastard's plan as originally posted on his website called for MANDATORY "public service" -- NOT voluntary....After numerous conservative bloggers publicized the "required" language, it was obliviated within hours, and replaced with language that says the service will be "optional" or "voluntary."

Yeah, the very idea that a politician should *gasp* change his mind when one of his ideas proves unpopular or foolish. Doesn't Barack Obama know that he's supposed to stick to his guns to the bitter end like george w. bush does?

I wish I'd gotten money for the service I had to do to graduate from my high school; I'd be paying off less student loans today! (Did I mention my high school was in Natchitoches, Louisiana? Not exactly a "liberal" little town.)

Looks to me like the change was made to match the language used on barackobama.com:

Require 100 Hours of Service in College: Obama and Biden will establish a new American Opportunity Tax Credit that is worth $4,000 a year in exchange for 100 hours of public service a year.

Wolfwalker and his ilk have gone off the deep end yet again.

By Josh in California (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

Community service is required here to graduate from high school. For one son the volunteering during swim lessons turned into a job. Not a cruddy "Do you want fries with that?" job, but a real job for real money, good hours and real responsibility (lifeguard and swim instructor).

Going on her brother's experience, my daughter has applied to volunteer at the library with hopes of later employment.

My son who is graduating from high school next spring is excited about the $4000 for community service commitment. Any little bit helps with college funding.

Just back from the Rotary meeting, where an Army Colonel requested that young people be urged to volunteer in service to the country. He was not pushing military service as he mentioned other opportunities. Many in the military have felt that they are the only ones sacrificing during the current wars. They would like to see non-military personnel doing service to our country.

IIRC, there have been similar warnings every time the Presidency changes parties. I recall something similar in 2000, 1992, 1980, 1976, ...

The real question is whether this will interfere with Derbyshire's ability to write about mathematics.

Count me as another person who had to do community service in middle school, high school, and college. I would have loved a tax credit for my required hours in college - could have made a nice dent in my student loans.

Apparently, South Korea is socialist because it has mandatory military services. Oh, and my high school district is socialist too because they have to do 50 hours of community services. *whisper* Watch out for those darn socialists, apparently, they are everywhere...

It's funny, they never seem to complain that Faith-based funding is "socialist".

Oh noes! The Hitler Zombie has attacked my very own Representative Paul Broun (R-GA) - not that the theocratic ultra-right wing lack-wit has ever actually represented me in any way, but the impoverished, white, God-fearing Southern Baptist majority of my recently gerrymandered district did just re-elect him, so I'm stuck with him for a few more years. (What scares me is that he could have said something this stupid *before* the election and he still would have been re-elected in a landslide. This kind of lunacy is red meat for "the base" in most of GA District 10.)

(My previous comment got caught in a spam filter, so if this ends up being a double post, my apologies.)

The passage which Josh in California quoted from Obama's website has been there since February, as a trip to the Way-Back Machine will verify. The tax credit has been the plan all along.

Did Wolfwalker ever find a definition for socialism?

Just a rhetorical question...

By Robster, FCD (not verified) on 11 Nov 2008 #permalink

"Did Wolfwalker ever find a definition for socialism?

Just a rhetorical question..."

Posted by: Robster, FCD | November 11, 2008 10:23 PM

If he's agin it, its socialism.

Why not go all the way and call Obama a Marxist? If memory serves, someone has--I'm guessing someone on the far right, but that's just my evil socialist bastard bias.

I remember way back in the good ol' Cold War days, when the word "Commie" was in vogue. "Soshie" just doesn't have the same panache.

Well, that's all the time I have for now...I'm hosting the Socialist Bastard Club potluck, and I offered to provide the sacrificial Fundies for the Black Mass. I see my guests are starting to arrive (by Black Helicopter, of course)...TTFN!

Some people are dividing the $4,000 tax credit by 100 hours and saying that this is the same as getting paid $40/hour for that work. They are mistaken.

It's getting $40/hour tax-free, or, equivalently, $40/hour after tax.

Now, if you're rich enough(*) or working-poor enough -- unfair, find another description -- unoverpaid enough, that's only $47+ an hour. Take out 15% and you get $40. But if you're pulling down a good salary or better, it's up to $63.99 an hour. And when the Marxist Nazi changes the top tax rate, Joe the Plumber will find it's worth more than $65.50/hour!

Now that's a deal.

(*) Sophisticates will object that the rich-guy 15% tax applies only to capital gains and certain dividends, not to payment for work. Weirdly enough, if your income includes little enough pay for work, the incremental rate on that can be tiny as well.

By Porlock Junior (not verified) on 15 Nov 2008 #permalink

Sorry about the double post, but what can a person do about mad blog-commentsoftware?

By Porlock Junior (not verified) on 15 Nov 2008 #permalink

Community service, for forty dollars an hour off tuition?!? Hell yes, I like this plan. Especially as I am getting set to rack up a hella lot of student loans and love volunteer work.

My kids had to do "involuntary servitude" to graduate. It was dreadful...having to spend hours away from their computer games and text messages doing (gasp!) community service. Why, they weren't even paid! In fact, they hated it so much, they continued on with it afterwards, out of masochistic desire.