Farcically Bad Orange Juice Commercial

I don't know if you have seen these, but Florida Orange Juice started a new ad campaign featuring commercials with the voice of Tom Selleck. (Magnum PI does like his orange juice.)

Anyway, the commercials show a beaker into which is being poured OJ. Tom Selleck then proceeds to say:

"Food scientists have spent years with their beakers and flasks and chemistry sets, trying to come up with something as good for you as Florida orange juice," says Selleck's deep baritone. "But they've never come close. Start your day with almost 25 percent of your daily recommended fruit and vegetable servings in one 8-ounce glass."

To close the commercial, Selleck suggests, "It's a miracle in every way. Florida orange juice. Healthy. Pure and simple." (Emphasis mine.)

Really? Are scientists really furiously experimenting to make something better than orange juice? If they were to do so, would they really be using beakers and chemistry sets? Really?

This is the sort of farcical nonsense that gets bandied about in your average commercial with a limited amount of comment, but if you think about it that is simply a ridiculous image.

Lab book:

Day 1: Mixed acid and water. Not as good as orange juice.
Day 2: Mixed base and water. Thought it was better than orange juice. Gave to test subject -- a rat. Dissolved test subject. Have concluded that it is not as good as orange juice.
Day 3: Tested nitroglycerin on new test subject. Test subject has exploded. Have concluded that trying random chemicals from lab is not effective at finding better orange juice.

...

You lied to me Selleck. There are really no food scientists working on this problem. Yet strangely your mustache still calls to me...