Nature, Science merge

In an exciting move that should revolutionize scientific publishing, Nature and Science have merged, creating a new, combined publication that can withstand the difficult financial environment for science journalism.
The journal's editor refers to its business model as "Web 3.0," but some experts still question its relevance to the modern media environment. In an interview conducted from PLoS's orbital headquarters as it transited the Pacific, Bora Zivkovic announced that he's already developed Webs Ï, 4.0, 5.0, and 6.0. "The distinction between scientists and science writers ceased to exist long ago, and Natural Science's business model is centuries old in Internet time," explained one of Zivkovic's cybernetic mouths, while the other 9 gulped Coca Cola and his neural implants updated him on the contents of every scientist's computer. "In the future," one of the mouths piped up, "all science will be reported on Twitter. The merger of Nature and Science merely delays the inevitable development of neural interfaces which allow scientists to constantly update one another on new research and exciting investment opportunities in Nigeria."
Meanwhile, a mysterious consortium originally based in Alaska has announced a technique for encoding scientific papers onto microscopic carbon particles using a proprietary technique. A masked spokesperson explained that by inserting the documents into a high-temperature chamber, they can significantly reduce the size of each journal issue and aerosolize it to speed and democratize access. The consortium, known as Publicly Accessible Library Involving Natural Science (PALINS), is offering free demonstrations of the technique at any library interested in making its collections accessible. "Not only does this technique make science accessible to everyone, but the particles will reflect the sun's rays and prevent global warming," pointed out the spokesperson. "If global warming were real. You betcha," another representative interjected.