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A press release about Snails on methamphetamines works for me.  The story is about memory. The jokes are about snails:
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Snail Joke #1
A turtle gets mugged by a gang of snails. Cop is interviewing the turtle afterwards, still at the scene. Turtle still flustered. Cop asks, "Just start at the beginning."
"I don't know," says the turtle. "It all happened so fast."
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Snail Joke #2
Guy opens his front door and grabs the paper off the porch. There's a snail on it. He gives a flick of the wrist, and the snail sails off the porch into the garden.
Three weeks later there's a knock at the door. Guy answers. It's the snail.
Snail says, "What was that all about?"
More like this
The most troublesome invasive species in my backyard garden is the snail.
Turns out casual experimention with a little meth here and there is a good thing, if you're a snail.
Typically, snails coil as they grow. The exact shape and characteristics of the coil are known to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors, depending on the snail. There is an interesting story involving snails and the young Jean Piaget.
What goes "Wheeeee!"?
A snail riding on a turtle.
A Swiss arrives at the hospital with two broken arms. The doctor asks him: "Holy shit, what happened to you?"
"I slipped on a snail."
"Didn't you see it?"
"No, it came from behind."
This was just what I needed today. Excellent.