[Editor's Note: After extensive review by our attorneys, upper management at T. C. O. Enterprises, Inc. has determined that the copy provided by the narrator for today's subject is too controversial to print. In accordance with this opinion we have changed the milieu from the medical arts to the tonsorial. Thank you for your patience in this matter. For Español please press two. If this is a medical emergency please hang up and bese su asno adios.]
hypocrisy: a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess
If you've ever told a customer he needs a haircut when he really doesn't...
If you are a distributor of a hair-restoring tonic (not sold in stores) and assiduously push it on your customers whether they need it or not...
If you sell pre-paid haircut memberships and then discourage owners from using them...
If you re-direct impecunious customers to Joe's Barbershop down the street...
If you've ever told a long-haired hippy freak that you can't cut his hair because you don't have the proper skills or instruments...
If a customer tells you they usually go to Joe's Barbershop and you become bewitched, bothered and bewildered...
If you organize all the barbershops in town in order to compete against the mega-barbershop chain and then sign a secret deal with that same chain...
If you join forces with other barbers to form a partnership and then drop out when you aren't elected president...
If you give all your attention to the shop and not the haircut...
If the government starts paying you a flat fee per month whether you cut hair or not and all of a sudden your business phone has a byzantine menu, your doors are locked during the lunch hour, you stop seeing customers after 4:00, and you start lecturing on the benefits of long hair...
...you might be a - ah, you know. Better a barber stays true to his mission even if he never does get to fly first class, or wear a Rolex, or own the New York Yankees...
Up next, the conclusion to The Five Deadly Sins: Ennui
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If you're really trained only as a shampoo-er but advertise that you're a barber. . . .