[Editor's Note: on Friday the narrator lost his little self-esteem-raising med quiz, which apparently was written on the back of a receipt from Rutto's Trattoria. This afternoon he called from an undisclosed location and apologized for the mishap, but was only able to recall a smattering of the questions. We publish them now. Why, we don't know.]
The playground ditty "Ring Around the Rosies" is thought to have referred to what epidemic?
A. Jaegermeister fever
B. Jungian Archetypal Oingo-Boingo Neurosis
C. Jakob's Jumping Jiminy Yingiencephalosis
D. Bubonic plague
In medical slang the term "vulture precautions" means
A. patient found eating off of another patient's tray
B. patient found eating scuff marks off of hallway floor
C. patient found in tavern across street from hospital
D. patient is near death
Ebstein's anomaly is best described as
A. preternatural skill in explaining nocturnal activities to Mrs. Ebstein
B. ability to mimic the mating call of the bullfrog with a hand in the axilla
C. bases-loaded walk given to lifetime .160 hitter in seventh game of the 1994 World Series
D. a congenital heart condition of the tricuspid valve
The pathognomonic sign of frambesia tropica is
A. the peeling of tattooed skin, especially in the pre-sacral area
B. an amusing craving for raspberry vinaigrette dressing
C. a tendency to veer to the left when walking (see also: "mitch")
D. the appearance of the 'mother yaw'
[UPDATE: the narrator called to inform us that he will be back to work tomorrow. We shall await his return like tots beneath the hearth on Christmas Eve, without any ability to bate our unbridled enthusiasm.]
1. is definitely D.
2. is probably D also.
3. Was a bit harder but it's D.
4. I know it's B. Frambesia is the raspberry part.
This scares me that I knew this stuff. I'm not in any way shape or form trained in medicine.