The Omnipotence of Homosexuality

It always amuses me just how powerful the anti-gay loonies think homosexuality is. It's so powerful that it causes the very tectonic plates to crash together, causing earthquakes in San Francisco. It causes the weather patterns to change, causing hurricanes in Florida and New Orleans. And all of this, of course, accompanied by lots and lots of death and suffering for innocent (i.e. straight) people. One half expects to see a gay superhero who takes his heroic form by yelling "By the power of Garland!" at the top of his lungs.

Bartholomew, as usual, is on top of the latest developments in the bizarro world occupied by the truly whacked fundamentalists in all three major monotheistic religions, particularly in Israel. And to no one's surprise, they're blaming the war with Hezbollah and Hamas on the upcoming gay pride event in Jerusalem. Speaking for the Christian nutballs, it's Christine Darg of Exploit Ministries:

Military events in Israel are now likely to force the cancellation of the World Pride homosexual desecration of Jerusalem next month.

Believers in Israel and all over the world have been bombarding Heaven for God to intervene. . ..But sometimes God answers in ways that nobody wants. War is never pleasant, but its security demands take precedence over something as frivolous as a gay parade.

Coming to the plate for the Jewish nutballs, it's Pinchas Winston, quoted in the Worldnutdaily:

Are Israel's troubles in the Gaza Strip and Lebanon and the Hezbollah rockets slamming daily into major Israeli population centers here a result of the Jewish state's tacit support for a homosexual parade slated for next month in Jerusalem?

Some rabbis seem to think so, and they are attempting to block the event from taking place in Judaism's holiest city.

"Why does this war break out this week, all of sudden with little warning? Because this is the exact week the Jewish people are trying to decide whether the gay pride parade should take place in Jerusalem or Tel Aviv," Pinchas Winston, a noted author, rabbi and lecturer based in Jerusalem told WND...

"This [parade] is an attack against God himself," Winston said. "God has told the Jewish people, 'If you are not going to fight for my honor, you will be forced to fight for your own honor.'"

Batting third for the Jewish nutballs is Lazer Brody, whose name sounds like a pro wrestler:

Lazer Brody, an author and dean of the Breslov Rabbinical College in Ashdod, Israel, concurred with Winston.

"When God's presence is in the camp, nothing can happen to the Jewish people," Brody stated. "But If the Jewish people bring impurity into the camp of Israel, this chases away God's presence."...

Before becoming a rabbi, Brody served for many years in the Israeli army, where he fought in combat missions in Beirut during Israel's incursion into Lebanon in the early 1980's. He said the public display of homosexuality in Jerusalem "soils the camp of Israel with impurity, and pushes away the divine presence and protection."

Wow! Gays are so powerful that the mere anticipation of their arrival even chases out the Almighty himself! Obviously, someone needs to bottle this and develop some God Repellant spray. If only it would chase away some of his followers...

"The Torah is the ultimate book of human rights, giving each individual the right to free choice," said Brody. "What a person does behind closed doors is at one's own risk; but to partake of that behavior in public spreads the impurity to the entire camp."

Oh, of course. The ultimate book of human rights - I mean, unless you count that whole "kill the non-virgin females" thing and the "stone gays to death" thing. Other than that, it's practically an Amnesty International handbook. And then there's this little counterfactual that doesn't seem to have registered with the halfwits:

The World Pride event previously was held in 2000 in Rome, where it attracted about a quarter of a million participants. Images of the Rome festivities, featured on various homosexual websites, show throngs of shirtless men in shorts and bikini briefs congregated on the streets, some of them holding hands.

Well gosh, why didn't something horrible happen in Rome in 2000? Why didn't Switzerland suddenly invade Italy or earthquakes hit? I mean, you had men holding hands right there in the streets! God must have fled the scene and gone somewhere far away, lifting his protection from the Holy City of Catholicism. Why didn't the Vatican get hit with an earthquake, or swarms of locusts attack the Sistine Chapel?

And batting cleanup, representing the huge contingent of American nutballs, it's Yehuda Levin:

Meanwhile, Yehuda Levin, a member of the Rabbinical Alliance of America, has come to Israel specifically to prevent the homosexual celebration from taking place. He said a homosexual parade is akin to a parade of "prostitutes promoting prostitution, or adulterers encouraging others to try adultery at least once in their life."

"Israel is the Holy Land, not the homo-land," Levin told WND...

Like some other rabbis here, Levin believes that there is a direct correlation between the homosexual parade scheduled to take place in Jerusalem and the recent onslaught of rockets raining from Lebanon and Gaza.

Citing Leviticus [18:22-28], Levin said the Torah relates to Israel' current conflict.

Leviticus states, "You shall not lie down with a male, as with a woman: this is an abomination. For the nations, whom I am sending away from before you, have defiled themselves with all these things. And the land became defiled, and I visited its sin upon it, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. ... For the people of the land who preceded you, did all of these abominations, and the land became defiled. And let the land not vomit you out for having defiled it, as it vomited out the nation that preceded you.'"

Said Levin, "The terrorists, the leaders of Israel's enemies are working for the destruction of Israel, to wipe the Jewish people off the map."

Levin believes their efforts are succeeding due to what he calls sexual promiscuity in the land of Israel.

And here's another one of those little counterfactuals that destroys the logic of their argument, but appears to have escaped their notice:

Levin notes that holding a gay pride parade in Israel is not a new idea. "For years, local gay parades were held in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem," he said.

Then God's veil of protection should have been lifted for years now, eh? I mean, surely God isn't less offended by indigenous gayness than by imported gayness, right? Oh hell, let's not mince words: these people are insane. They are so blinded by their bigotry and their brain-freezing religious fervor that they are utterly incapable of holding a rational position on this or any other subject.