Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Clearly a ploy by BigPharma to market anti-stabbing drugs to people who don't need them.

this is animal abuse. where's PETA when you need them??

this is satire. where is intelligence when you need it??

"This is animal abuse!"
*beat*
"THIS IS SATIRRRE!" *kicks*

This is a joke right? wtf?

This is a joke right? wtf?

its the onion news... of course its real

I like the ticker at the bottom.

Giraffe mauling tops the list of least likely way to die.

Phoenix, AZ the most likely city to die in during a layover.

I didn't hear how much the monkeys bled. They need to do another study to see how much blood each money looses per stab wound. Will a monkey bleed out after two stab wounds? three?

Seriously? You can hurt animals just by stabbing them? That's some groundbreaking news there.

this has to be satire.

Just an FYI. The Onion is a website made ONLY for sarcasm.