Scott Aaronson is offering his services to the highest bidder in the String Wars. His prices may be a little steep-- a well organized review article will set you back $2 million, though a sloppy and poorly sourced one is probably cheaper-- but really, isn't it worth it to have the second funniest physics blogger on your side?
Act now. Supplies are limited. Allow six to eight weeks for delivery.
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"There are three (3) particle generators on the inside
of the strong nuclear force core...which one of these
leads us to the gravitino coordinate?"